Breaking Dawn
by Tamarwood
Summary: Renesmee Cullen is seven years old and looks seventeen... not the easiest of situations. Add to it that her parents have been keeping some pretty big secrets from her, and you've got one confused semi-vampire. That's not a sentence you say everyday!
1. Chapter 1  Home Truths

**So here it is, the obligatory Twilight fan-fic. From Renesmee's POV (mostly), 7-ish years after Breaking Dawn. I have to admit this was the first fan-fic I ever started writing, so for that reason alone I'm putting it on here (that's a slight lie, I've totally got into this story now, cringe). Anyway it's my first post on here, so please review if you fancy it, would be much appreciated! This has been a work-in-progress for about 2 years now, and there's some chapters that I still haven't got round to writing! Hopefully one day they'll make it on here... :)**

My mother always tells me not to attract attention to myself, but sometimes it's harder than it should be to disappear into the background. For a start, I bet any teenager who's half human, half vampire would have trouble fitting in.

Not that there are any teenagers like that.

Except for me.

At least I've got rosy cheeks and blood in my veins, which would make it easier, you'd think, and my perfectly ordinary brown eyes and copper hair make me look normal enough. But I can never make friends with humans, not properly. It's too dangerous - for them and for us. Besides, they'd take one look at my impossibly young parents and know something very, very strange was going on.

In a few months time I'll look about eighteen, and that's where I'll stay.

Eighteen forever. Like Bella. Like Alice, Uncle Jazz and Rose. Older than Edward. Older than Jake.

Jake.

He was Bella's best friend when she was human, which caused a few problems, seeing as he's supposed to be our mortal enemy, the scourge of all vampire-kind. Rosalie said that, before I was born, everyone hated him. I can't imagine that at all. How could anyone hate Jacob Black?

Jake is a shape-shifter, who can take the form of a wolf whenever he feels the desire to. A werewolf, for want of a better word - although technically him and the rest of the Quileute guys are much nicer than real, Hammer horror type werewolves. My werewolves don't actually kill people.

Except vampires. The only reason they turn into wolves at all is because my family live so close to their territory, but thankfully, although things will never exactly be friendly, we can agree to disagree on most things. Like our existence.

I've made Bella and Edward promise never to move away, so that there'll always be some of our kind around Forks. Werewolves lose the ability to phase if the vampires disappear, and when they can't phase they start ageing. I'm going to live forever, as far as I'm aware, and I want Jake in my life as long as possible. I just hope he decides the same thing - unlike me he actually has a choice about how old he can grow to be.

I can't imagine life without him. That's why this time away from home has been so hard.

We keep in touch with them all of course, but it's not the same as being with them. The next time I see them they probably won't recognise me. I change a lot in a year. I looked like a kid when I left Forks, now I look like a teenager, and soon I'll be a young woman, pretty much adult. I'll be eighteen in their eyes, and I'm worried it's going to freak them out. Although I suppose a child growing on average at five times the normal rate is pretty freaky, and they've all had to deal with that.

That's why I've had to be hidden away - banished, really. If I'd stayed in Forks then questions would be asked, questions that would be impossible to answer. We could probably pass me off as another stray that Carlisle and Esme decided to adopt. We could deal with that. But the real questions would start being asked when people saw me two days in a row, and I looked different to how I did before. How would we explain that one away? So the best plan was to be taken out of the spotlight, away from Forks, where people knew, or guessed, too much already. Away from the Cullens and all their strange ways that attracted attention. Away from my home and my family.

Naturally we needed to go somewhere with minimal levels of sunlight. If Edward and Bella go out in the sun in public, the whole world would know about it within a day.

And wherever we were headed had to be somewhere that you could easily hide a young teenage girl who in a matter of months would be an adult. No school, no friends, for me. Not that that would be too hard to deal with - I'd never been to school, or had a friend that was outside the whole vampire/werewolf category.

Where better to move to then, than a tiny village in northern England, close to the border of Scotland, nestled among mountains and lakes, where people keep themselves to themselves?

From the wettest place in the continental US, to the wettest in England. It's a good job I like the rain.

"Renesmee!"

Bella was the only person that called me by my full name anymore, and that was one person too many.

"Renesmee!"

She was angry, by the sounds of it. She'd just got in from buying completely unnecessary groceries. I could hear her slipping her raincoat off in the hall, dumping the bags of food on the floor. She was shouting up the stairs to me. I didn't answer. I already knew what this was going to be about.

"Renesmee Cullen, get yourself down here right now." She put on her 'angry' voice, but it was a vain attempt - no vampire can ever sound truly angry unless they are going for the kill. It's in-built that we always sound, as well as look, beautiful.

"Awww Bella," I moaned. "I'm busy."

"I don't care," she shouted up, knowing I wasn't. "Renesmee if you're not down here in two seconds I'll - "

"Nessie come down and talk to your mother, please." That was Edward, muttering under his breath, knowing I'd still be able to hear him. Bella and I were much more prone to breaking into human habits, like shouting, than he was. But I could never say no to his voice - it was hypnotic. That's how Bella fell in love with him of course, but she denies it.

"Okay, okay," I murmured. When I got to the top of the stairs, she was standing at the bottom, looking pretty mad.

"In the lounge. Now. We are going to discuss this with your father."

"I thought you weren't my parents, remember?" I said quietly, trying to sound angry, but ending up sounding worried. Since we'd moved away, it appeared that we were all just a bunch of teenagers, friends. We had to be so careful to keep up the pretence, so they insisted I call them by their first names even when we were alone. Well, it worked, being here over a year had made calling them Bella and Edward an habitual thing.

"This is pretty serious," she said, glaring at me. "I think this constitutes us being in parent mode."

"What have I done?" I tried to look puzzled and a bit sad. She saw right through me of course.

"You know exactly what you've done. Something we both told you not to do, for everyone's sake."

"Oh, that." I was in major, major trouble.

"Yes, that," she said condescendingly. "Get in the lounge."

She flitted into the lounge, too fast for normal human eyes to see. I slowly moped in after her, to see my parents, as they'd decided I should call them now, sitting together on the sofa. I stood before them like I was on trial.

"I saw you this afternoon, on my way to town," Bella said quietly, her anger sounding much more dangerous that way. "What did you think you were doing?"

I was quiet. I couldn't answer.

"Nessie," Edward said reprovingly. One look at me from his odd, ocher eyes, which all the family had except me, and I had to tell the truth. He usually had that power over people.

"I was hunting," I whispered. Like he needed me to tell him. He must have seen it in my thoughts as soon as I got back.

Bella tutted. "I know you were hunting, Renesmee. I want to know why, when we both told you that you must never go alone."

"Because I was really thirsty! It's been almost two weeks since we last hunted! Honestly Mom, did you want me to do something stupid?" The 'm' word slipped out.

"You _have_ done something stupid," she said quickly.

"Oh, you know what I mean," I said, frustrated. "Would you rather it was a human instead of a mangy old fox?"

"Renesmee," she cut in. "Do you understand how serious this is?"

I was silent again. I knew exactly how serious it was.

"If you knew it was that serious then why did you do it, Ness?"

Why Bella actually wanted Edward to read her thoughts I'd never understand.

"Edward - " I stopped when Bella scowled at me. "Fine. Dad. You don't get it, I'm thirsty all the time. I couldn't stand it any longer. I needed it. It's not like I didn't think it through."

They weren't buying it.

"Nessie, we know you're growing a lot faster than is normal, so you need more than the average amount. Fair enough. But if you'd honestly thought it through you would have realised that there is plenty of human food in the kitchen, especially for you to eat in this kind of situation."

"But human food is gross!"

"If it keeps you alive, you will eat it young lady." Bella was trembling with anger now. "What if I wasn't the only one that saw you today? What if someone was walking their dog, or driving down the track? We'd be ruined, Ness. You risked everything today. For you, for us, for all of our kind."

"I didn't do anything that you and Edward don't do!" This wasn't fair.

"We don't go out in broad daylight in a semi-populated area! We don't run ten times faster than an average human, across a field, in sight of a road!"

She had a point.

"God, Nessie, if the Volturi heard about this they'd - "

"Bella." Edward cut her off, putting his hand on her knee.

"They'd what?" I said cuttingly, wanting an argument now. "Kill me? I don't think so, I'm far too interesting to them."

"What?" She looked almost sad now. "Ness, how can you say that? I wasn't just talking about you, I was talking about all of us. We came so close to being destroyed because of you once before."

I gasped. She'd never said the exact words before. They stung.

"Bella," Edward said again, sharper this time. "This isn't what we meant to discuss."

"Well I'm sorry if I'm such a burden on this family," I said angrily, tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry if I nearly got you all killed. You know, clearly it was _my_ fault that I was born the way I am. Seems I'm never going to be forgiven for that."

I couldn't stand seeing them staring at me with such disappointed faces, so I ran up to my room, slamming the door behind me. I wasn't just saying it for effect. It was true, and everyone knew it. All I'd been since I was born was a problem - a fascinating one, according to them - but a problem nonetheless. I just seemed to have an amazing talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, for saying or doing the wrong thing. I was hurting this family, I was a danger to them all, and there was nothing I could do to change that, except disappear.

I woke up the next morning, having barricaded myself in my room all night, with a horrible feeling that they'd been discussing what to do with me. I hated that I was the only one in my family that needed sleep. I had to waste my time every night getting energy from keeping my eyes closed, unlike everyone else who just had a never-ending supply. Clearly while I'd been in my fidgety, restless slumber they'd been talking about me. Well, let them talk - we all know what the answer is. Let me go home, where I'd obviously be happier, where I know the safe places to hunt on my own, where I could have more support around me when I felt the need for human blood. It would be _safer_ - their favorite word - for everyone if I was at home in Forks. The sooner they realised that, the better.

I'm sure the others would love to have me back. I know Jake was going crazy without me there. He'd sent me a letter just last week, enclosing a photograph of him leaning casually against his battered old Volkswagen Rabbit.

'Just making sure you remember what I look like,' he'd scribbled on the back of it.

Like anyone could ever forget how Jacob Black looks. He's pretty memorable. Nearly seven feet tall, with ridiculously large muscles for a sixteen year old, dark hair that he usually has cropped short, but sometimes lets grow a little so it hangs in his eyes. Whenever it was like that his wolf fur was longer too.

My favourite thing about him was his smile, the smile that always took me by surprise. Some days he could sulk for hours about something pretty unimportant, but then it just took the tiniest thing to make him grin so wide it must hurt his cheeks. That smile always made me smile too.

I suppose you could say he was good looking, but it wouldn't make a difference to me either way. I loved him, but I've never looked at him, and never will, as an 'available guy'. There are some things that would just be too weird, and that was one of them. Jacob was practically my brother.

His latest letter went where all the others had gone - tucked inside my book of photographs and little scraps that Edward had given me on the day we left Forks - but not before I'd memorised it all, word for word. I'd done that with all of his letters. It gave me something to do with my time here, apart from trying to ignore how thirsty I was all the time. Better than getting letters, though, was when the telephone rang. Jake called the most, checking up on me, followed by Carlisle, checking up on Bella and Edward. But whoever it is on the line, my heart leaps with happiness when I hear their familiar voices. Their voices remind me of the ocean, the beach at La Push, the breeze blowing through the trees in the forest that surrounded the house, the feel of the hard piano keys under my fingers. Everything I'd loved since I was a baby, everything that surrounded me as I grew up. Everything that told me I was home. We had another six months here to sit out before it would be safe for us to go back to Forks, back to that cold, wet corner of Washington State, my favourite place in the world.

I refused to let my thoughts linger on the feeling that I was abandoned out here, and decided to read Jacob's latest letter again. I took it out of its special place in my scrapbook, tucked behind the photograph of him, and unfolded it gently.

_Dear Ness, _

_Remember me? My name's Jake, in case you've forgotten._

I chuckled to myself.

_I know you're stupidly busy over there, so I won't be surprised if you've forgotten all about me. But just so you know, just 'cause I'm not there with you, doesn't mean that I don't think about you, and miss you every day._

_Rach and Paul's wedding went without a hitch. Guess I really am stuck with him as a brother-in-law now. I'm sending some photos in an email, just like a girl._

_Oh and Jared and Kim got engaged. It's one big party on the res at the moment._

_Anyway, all the usual questions coming up, sorry._

_How are you? Done anything interesting? Do you still miss me? How's Bells? How's Edward? How's England, still rainy enough? Any news on when you're coming back yet?_

_I know how hard it is for you, being so busy and all, but surely you could spend some time on your old friend and write back with the answers. (Even though I know them all already!)_

_Hope life isn't too bad for you without me there._

_Miss you so much kid. Write back soon. Although I'll probably speak to you tonight anyway!_

_Love from your Jacob x_

The trouble with reading his letters was no matter how happy they made me I always missed him a little bit more than before by the end of them. I couldn't believe I hadn't already written back. I must have been more preoccupied with getting a square meal than I thought. I quickly snatched some paper and a pen out of my desk draw, and started scribbling.

_Dear Jake,_

_Why do we write letters to each other? We email and call each other all the time! Not that I don't want you to write to me, I just never really thought about it until today._

_Maybe because letter-writing takes more effort and time? I need to fill up my days with as much as possible. I'm going totally crazy here, everything is driving me nuts._

_I hate this Jake, it's like a punishment for something, it seems to be going on forever. I miss everyone so much. I miss you the most of course. I think about you every day. I think the day I get to see you again is going to be the happiest day of my life. But that's a whole six months away._

_I've grown half a foot since you last saw me. I'm five foot four now, the same as Bella, and I still haven't finished growing. Seriously Jake, I'm really starting to worry that none of you will recognise me when I get home. Just be prepared for a major, MAJOR transformation, okay?_

_Rachel looks so pretty in her dress. You should be a very proud brother! It looked like a beautiful day, considering the amount of wolf-men present._

_Tell Jared and Kim I'm really happy for them please. And tell me more about Forks and the res in your next letter, anything at all. I miss home so, so much._

_Shut up about me being stupidly busy, you know how bored I am here! You know how much I can't wait to get home! But as it is, don't worry, I kind of get the feeling you're missing me as much as I'm missing you... which is a lot! That makes me feel a bit better._

_Okay, since you asked for it, usual answers:_

_I'm thirsty, but it's just about bearable. I'm miserable but I'm fine. Don't be stupid. Of course, more than anything. She's fine, mad at me for going hunting without them though. She misses you. He's fine, still reading my mind... England sucks. I miss home. It's never rainy enough. Nothing to report. Probably still mid June of next year, no sooner._

_There. I guess that's it._

_I've put the photo of you in my scrapbook. Looking at it I'd say it's time you gave your old VW a paint job. Actually no, save it for when I'm back and we'll do it together._

_Miss you, love you bro!_

_Lots and lots and lots of love from your Nessie xxx_

Well, that had made me feel slightly better. I read it through, then folded it neatly and put it in an envelope. Sticking a stamp on the top corner I sighed, wondering how quickly I'd hear back from him.

_Don't be stupid_, I thought, _he'll probably call you tonight anyway._

But there was something about holding it in my hand - he'd touched it, he'd thought over it. In some ways that was better than hearing his friendly, husky voice.

I braved leaving my room for the first time since the argument last night. Taking the letter, I tiptoed across the landing and down the stairs, leaving the letter at the bottom. I knew one of them would post it for me the next time they went into town, even though they were still mad at me. They knew better than to punish me by forbidding me to be in touch with Jacob.

"Alice." I could hear Bella speaking down the phone. "I've just found a ball gown at the bottom of my suitcase. What possible use could I have for a ball gown over here?"

"You never know." I could hear Alice's voice on the end of the line as loudly as if she was in the room. "It's always better to be prepared."

Bella spotted me through the doorway and looked at me in disbelief. I smiled and shrugged. Did this mean last night was forgotten?

"And besides," Alice's voice went a bit quieter. "It gives you something to remember me by. Only I would pack you a ball gown."

I saw Bella's throat constrict. If she were human, tears would have sprung to her eyes.

"Oh Al, it's only six more months. It'll fly by."

It sounded like she was trying to convince herself as well as Alice.

"But I wanted to see Nessie grow up. We all did."

"You know it was too dangerous," Bella sighed. How many times had she had this conversation with Alice?

"Yeah, but if we'd kept her hidden?"

"It's too much of a risk. Better to keep her here, where no one knows us, where there are less of us to draw attention to ourselves."

I love the fact that she felt it was okay to talk about me as if I wasn't there. I should really have gotten used to it by now. The conversation started getting tedious, repetitive. Bella spent a good half-hour trying to persuade Alice that we'd done the right thing.

They still haven't done a good job persuading me, and we've been here over a year. But I can see it's hopeless for me to keep whining about wanting to go back, it's not getting me anywhere, in fact it just makes the already tense atmosphere here even worse. The mature thing to do would be to just shut up and sit it out, like they were. I trudged back up the stairs.

Back in my room, I grabbed whatever CD it was that happened to be on the top of the messy pile by my bed, and shoved it in my stereo without looking to see what I'd picked up. I hit play and flopped back on my bed, my eyes still tired after my restless sleep last night. I smiled as I closed my eyes - the song was whiny and very, very American. I recognised it as the first track on a compilation CD Jake had made for me a while back. It wasn't exactly chill-out music, but it was precisely what I needed. I was feeling particularly whiny and determinedly American at the moment. After that song had played out a pretty depressing British band came on. Well, that suited my mood too. I lay back and let the heavy, repetitive chords phase any thoughts out of my head.

I must have drifted off for a while, because the next thing I knew another track was playing that I knew was much further down the playlist.

The sound of Bella and Edward arguing was coming up through the floorboards, loud enough to carry through the booming bass of the song. Whoa. As far as I knew, they never argued. Ever. Not unless they thought it was a matter of life or death.

As much as I didn't really want to listen, I couldn't stop myself, I had to hear what they were saying. Shouting, rather.

I turned the music down and crept out onto the landing, not wanting them to know that I was listening, although surely they must be aware that, if we'd had any neighbours, they would be able to hear them too. Their voices suddenly came much louder as I sat down on the top step, my elbows on my knees, nibbling my fingernails, an awful human habit I'd developed since I came here.

"This isn't even about Nessie anymore, Bella!" Shouting didn't suit Edward.

"Everything is about Nessie!" Bella almost screamed back. "She's the only reason we're here!"

"Bella." Edward tried to make his voice calm. "We both know it's more than that."

Bella was quiet for a minute. She sighed after a while.

"Fine," she said quietly. "I can't take this anymore. I have to go back. I can't watch my daughter live out a meagre _existence_ instead of a life. We're trying to make her into something she's not, and it's not working, it's just making it worse. She's starving, Edward. Our baby is starving and we still can't tell her the truth?"

"Bella," Edward hissed. "You know she can - "

There was no way I was going to let him finish that sentence.

"The truth about what?" I asked as I ran down the stairs. A split-second later I was staring at him, unable to believe that my parents would be lying to me about something, anything.

Edward looked at Bella, a wary, almost frightened look in his eyes. Bella stared him down.

"Sit down, Nessie," she said to me, unsmiling. "I'm going to tell you the truth." She put a very noticeable emphasis on the 'I'm'.

"Bella - " Edward said quickly.

"She's my daughter too, Edward." She interrupted him. "We've tried your way, now I'm trying mine."

"Will you just tell me what's going on?" I begged.

Bella sighed, sat down next to me, and turned so that she was facing me. Edward stayed where he was, utterly still and straight in the center of the room, tense and waiting for whatever Bella was going to say to me.

"We haven't exactly been lying to you Renesmee," she began. "We've just been... hiding the whole truth," she got out. A cautious look at Edward, and then she continued. "We haven't been hunting properly, and we've been encouraging you to eat human food, because we thought we might be able to wean you off the taste of blood. We want you to lead as normal a life as possible. We want you to be able to have friends."

"I _do_ have friends," I muttered, not letting what she was saying sink in. She let it pass.

"Do you understand, though?" she asked. "Do you understand why we did this?"

I was silent.

"It was only because we love you more than anything, and we wanted you to be the happiest you can be." She carried on regardless. Edward was still a pillar in the middle of the room, silent and still.

"We wanted you to lead a human life. We don't want you to have to hide any longer than is absolutely necessary."

She looked over at Edward again, who looked as if he wanted no part in this conversation.

"Your father - Edward - thinks that we should keep trying, that eventually you'll stop craving the blood. But I can see how ill this is making you. You're always tired, you're a nervous wreck and you're constantly unhappy. That's not what I wanted for you. I want you to be happy more than anything."

It was starting to sink in just what my parents had been doing. She was still speaking.

"So I'm saying that this is it, from now on we go hunting at least twice a week, and you'll be coming with us. And you don't have to eat any of the food in the kitchen. You're part vampire, and if that's the part of you that's dominant, then, so be it. You're my daughter. I don't care what you are as long as you're happy."

I couldn't say anything, much as I wanted to. I let everything she'd said whirl around in my head, until I realised I was forgetting to breathe. So this was it then, the proof that I was right. That I'm nothing but a problem - that my parents, my whole family, think I'm a freak - that they wished they could change the way I was. All that crap about doing it to make me happy? They were doing it because they didn't want a freak for a daughter. A thought came to me, fighting through the jumble of realisation.

"Was this the real reason we came here?" I whispered, not sure if I wanted to know the answer.

"It was part of it," Bella said quickly, speaking before Edward could get a chance to lie. "The main reason was to give you somewhere to grow up away from... the family, where it was safer for you."

"Safer for _them_," I muttered. She didn't answer. Great, so I was right on that one too - my family think I'm dangerous, a threat to the human population of Washington. They didn't want to be associated with me.

"And we figured it would be easier for you to try to resist hunting while you were away from them. The less of us around that only live off blood, the better."

"But that makes no sense," I said, raising my voice for the first time. "Why are you here then? You need it as much as any of them! How do you think I feel, seeing you come back from another hunting trip I wasn't allowed to go on, and knowing that there's a bowl of cereal and a carton of milk waiting for me in the kitchen? Why couldn't you have sent me out here with Jacob? You know he would have come!"

"It wouldn't be appropriate." Edward spoke for the first time. Bella looked at him sharply.

"You need someone here who understands," he said smoothly.

"But he would understand!" Surely they could see this? "He's not going to age either. He's going to have to spend his life trying to fit in too."

"He doesn't have an unhealthy appetite for blood, Renesmee," Bella snapped. "You know that hunting is different for them."

I huffed. She had me there. They kill to eat only when in their wolf forms, and they would never harm a human intentionally. When they were in their human form they ate popcorn and pizza like everyone else, even though their portions were usually ten times larger than normal.

I was nowhere near done yet, another thought was picking at my brain.

"This is a pretty big turn around from last night," I exclaimed. "You were saying you were so angry with me for hunting on my own. Now you're saying we'll _all_ hunt together? Twice a week? What, I've suddenly been forgiven? I'm suddenly allowed to come?"

"I'm tired of lying to you," Bella said. "I can't lie to you anymore. I'm sorry we ever did."

"If that's meant to be an excuse..." I tailed off.

"We're just trying to explain."

"You know what, there's no need to explain." My voice was bleak. "I know all I've done since I was born is cause you problems. You've just proved my point. I'm not human, I can't survive without blood in my system. But I'm not a vampire either. I have blood in my own veins, I have a pulse, I'm, I'm _warm_. You say you understand, but you don't, because you're not like me. No one is. I don't fit in anywhere, not even with my family. I don't have a place. I'm a freak. I should be left alone."

"None of us would ever leave you alone," Bella said intensely. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, to the whole family. You are more precious to me than anything in my life. All of us would put your life before our own, we already have. You are _not_ a freak, Renesmee, you're a miracle. And we will do anything, _anything_ to protect you."

"What if the only way to protect me is to leave me alone? What if I _want_ to be alone? What if I don't _want_ your protection?"

They were both silent. I could tell Edward was trying to make out the maelstrom of thoughts going through my head. Bella had her head in her hands.

"You know what?" I said again. "This is too hard. I quit. I'm going home, I need to see Jacob."

"Honey, Jacob won't be able to help you," Bella said sadly.

"I didn't say I needed his help, I just said I need to see him. He always listens to what I say, and he would never try to change who I am. You have no idea how much I wish he was here with me instead of you. Maybe then I could endure it."

I said it to hurt them, of course, like they'd hurt me. But with perfect control, Bella said, "I know sweetheart."

She looked blank - but Edward looked as if he was fighting with himself. Whatever part of him that won said, "Well, he's not here, Ness. So you'll just have to endure it. We can't go back to Forks now. It's not just you that has to wait, Nessie, it's all three of us. Two years is a long time away from everyone for us too."

"Then why - " I started.

"It's not going to happen, Nessie." He interrupted me. "One day you'll understand, but right now it's impossible to explain. I know it seems like I'm being horribly unfair and over-bearing, but this is the way it has to be."

"Well that's not good enough!" I exploded. "You haven't given me any straight answers, you just keep hinting at stuff! It's not fair, I can't take it anymore! If you're going to keep me here then I deserve some answers. I'm tired of being punished for doing nothing wrong! God, I hate you!"

"Nessie!" Bella looked pained.

"Both of you!" I shrieked, beyond controlling myself now. "You're as bad as each other, pretending that you're doing it to protect me, but secretly you're just ashamed that you created a monster!"

In a scene horribly reminiscent of last night, I bolted out of the room, up the stairs and into my bedroom, slamming the door behind me.

"And don't even think about coming to talk to me," I shouted downstairs. "I'm not interested!"

I slammed my head down on the pillow and lay there sobbing. After a while I started to feel guilty about the childish way I'd behaved, which made me cry more.

But everything I'd said was valid. Everything I'd said was true, unlike them.

I stuck out an arm and grabbed my cell phone, a ridiculously small, silver thing that Edward had given me.

_Please let there be a signal, please. I don't care how much this call is going to cost me, just let there be a signal._

I needed to call Jake, right now. I didn't stop to think properly about the time difference, knowing vaguely that it would be sometime around half eleven at night there, and knowing that it wouldn't matter at all to Jake. He'd stop everything to talk to me, even sleep, although I doubted he'd be sleeping yet.

_Just don't be off doing wolfy things_, I begged him silently. _Be human, and have your phone on. Don't make me call your house, this has to private._

I pressed number three on speed dial, after one for Bella and two for Edward, and then hit the dial button.

_Please, Jake, please be there..._

After a frustrating moment of silence, it started ringing, a bit muffled, but ringing.

_Yes!_

I couldn't believe it was actually on.

_Pick up, Jake, come on, pick up._

It was still ringing.

_Come on Jake._

"Hey, this is Jake... ob Black." I'd got through to his voicemail. "Uh... uh, yeah, leave a, a message after the beep, uh, the tone, whatever you prefer. And, uh, I'll get back to you. Bye."

I figured I might as well p phone, "Ness," just in case he didn't recognise my ever changing voice. "I, um, uh, I just, you know, wanted to... see how you were. I wrote you a letter today, but I was bored so I thought I'd see if I could call you, so I have, and uh, so this is me leaving a message for you to call me back, please. If you have time. No worries if not. Guess I'll just, um, hang up..."

I had no idea what I was saying - I didn't know what I could say to make him see how much I wanted him to call me. I think I was still in shock from actually hearing a dialling tone, even if I was talking to a machine.

"I miss you," I whispered. "Please, please call me back as soon as you can. I, I need to hear your voice. It's the only thing that can make any sense to me anymore."

Although that part I'd kind of tacked onto the end, I hoped he could hear the sheer desperation in my voice. I certainly could.

"Okay, well... Hope you're okay... Bye. Oh, call me on my cell, not the house phone. I'll explain later. Love you. Bye."

I hung up. It was only when I'd put my phone back on the table and lay down I noticed I had fresh tears running down my face. I really didn't know how much longer I could go on living like this. Exhausted from all the shouting and crying, I fell asleep for the third time in twelve hours. My last thought before I drifted into unconsciousness was that I bet I wouldn't be this weak if I had a decent meal inside of me. A decent amount of blood.

**Oh my crikey, that's pretty damn long! And Renesmee's a bit of a whinger! But I reckon in the circumstances she's allowed to be... What do you think? R+R please muchly thankyou! :)**


	2. Chapter 2  Delirious

**Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I know my chapter's are long but I'm having trouble finding appropriate places to split them. Any ideas? And there is something a bit strange that happens in this chapter, but I assure you what happens to Renesmee is a genuine (and the best) cure for what she's suffering from (hard not to give anything away there!) Just incase its a bit weird for some people! Also, note the unashamedly blatant nod to Twilight in the very first line...**

When I woke up it was twilight. I could tell without even opening my eyes. That meant I'd been asleep for nearly nine hours.

I had no energy anymore, and I knew the reason why. I was ravenously thirsty, my failed hunting trip the other day adding to the pain. All I had inside me was a crappy ham sandwich Bella had practically force-fed me. I needed blood, and I needed it now, or I really was going to do something very, very stupid.

Because my thoughts had turned straight to my stomach as soon as I'd woken up, I didn't think about what had woken me until I saw my phone lit up and vibrating on the table next to my bed.

I checked the screen. It was Jake.

Sitting up so quickly I gave myself a head rush, I snatched the phone up to my ear and pressed the answer button.

"Jake?" I remembered to whisper, despite my excitement. I don't know why I bothered - they'd still both be able to hear every word I said.

"Hey, Ness, you okay?" His quiet, husky voice brought more tears to my eyes straight away. The familiar sound of it left me almost speechless with a strange mix of happiness and despair.

"Mm-hm."

"How come you're not using the house phone?"

"Er, I don't want to go downstairs," I whispered. "Everything's wrong."

"What's happened?" His voice cracked.

"Nothing. Everything. I don't know."

"Well, are you hurt?"

"No!" My voice rose. "Well, not physically. I'm just so thirsty, Jake. I can't carry on like this, I feel like I'm dying. I don't have a life. The only things I've asked for are you, and to be allowed to digest stuff that actually keeps me alive. They're not letting me have either. They're trying to make me human, trying to kill off any trace of vampire in me. And they won't let you come here. It's killing me."

He was quiet on the other end of the line for a long time.

"Jake?" I prompted him.

"Yeah, still here," he said quickly. "Just thinking."

"I just wish I could come home."

"I know, Ness." He sounded as bad as I did. Maybe he wasn't feeling so good either. "But you can't come back."

I'd never thought to hear that from Jake.

"Why?"

"I can't explain it now. When you get back, I promise I'll tell you everything."

"You too," I whispered.

"What?" he asked.

"You're not telling me what's really going on either. I'm not stupid, I know there's something else as well as all this protection and making me human crap. They haven't told me anything except that they 'want me to have a life'. Well they're doing a great job of that!" My voice choked with tears.

"Oh Ness, don't cry." He sounded really distraught now. "Look, I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. You have no idea how much I wish I could tell you what's going on. But please just trust me on this one, it's better if you don't know, I swear."

So there really was something else.

"Jake, don't do this to me. I called you so I could make sense of things, don't make it worse. I can't go a whole other six months living like this. I need to come home, or at least get away from here. I need to hunt, and I need to see you."

He was silent again.

"Jake I..." I took a quick breath. "Can't you just come here? Who cares what they say? I don't anymore."

"I can't, Ness," he said, too quickly. "I can't see you. Not until next... not until you're back."

"But I miss you so much."

This conversation was really hurting me. I wondered if he felt as awful as I did.

"I know, kid."

He didn't say he missed me too. He _always_ said that.

"Do you not want to see me?" I asked in a little voice.

"That's not it, Ness, you know it isn't. But it would be… bad for me to see you now."

I was stunned. Even Jacob, my best friend, the boy I looked up to like a brother, thought I wasn't safe to be around. I knew that was what he was trying to say.

"Because you're scared I'll try and kill you or something." It wasn't a question. "You're scared to be around me, you think I'm dangerous, like everyone else. Wow, thanks, Jake, way to ruin the day that's already the worst of my life. Look, don't bother calling again. I can't even rely on you anymore."

I hung up without thinking. Now I didn't have anyone who would listen.

My stomach growled and my throat burned at the same time. That was it, I had to get out, I had to go somewhere, anywhere but this room, this house, this damned village. I pulled a jacket and trainers on, shoved my cell phone - turning it off first - and my mp3 player into my pockets and opened the window. I climbed out, until I was hanging off the frame, then let go and dropped lightly and easily to the ground, landing softly on all fours like a cat. Despite my anger I allowed myself a self-satisfied smile.

I set off at a run across our back yard, leaping over the fence that marked the boundary, then pelted across the wide open fields. Before I knew it I was plunged into the dark coniferous forest on the edge of the valley, growing up the sides of the nearby lake and mountains.

The first thought in my head was to satisfy my thirst. I'd deal with whatever else after I'd gotten my fix of blood. Anything would do - I was desperate enough to snack on a chicken for now. Maybe two chickens. I stood as still as I could in my agitated state, and concentrated on catching the scent of any creature nearby. A tiny voice in the back of my head kept repeating, _not human, not human_.

But I didn't have to worry about how strong my self-control was at that moment, because, barely seconds later, I caught an over-powering scent of deer. A small group, three, maybe four, all edging nearer this way. They were foraging. I could catch them off guard.

I followed my sense of smell, letting it guide me, fast but impossibly quiet, towards them. As I approached I slowed to walking pace, then crept stealthily towards them, using the undergrowth as cover if any of them looked in my direction. I was thankful right now that I wasn't a true vampire, otherwise I knew I wouldn't have been able to control the growling that would have risen up in my throat in anticipation.

There were three adult females, all nicely spaced out, giving me a perfect view of the best one to aim for. She was so close to me now, I could take her out in half a second. But I wasn't going to waste this opportunity by acting recklessly - I knew I had to wait for the right time to attack.

It came quicker than I expected. For a split-second she looked back toward the others, and I saw my chance. I leapt out of my hiding place, deadly silent and fast, and had my arms around her long, thick neck, and my teeth to her throat before she even knew I was coming. The other two bolted in fear as I quickly ripped her throat, not wanting her to linger, to stagger around dripping blood everywhere, wasting it. No, a short sharp stab to her jugular, and a swift upwards tearing motion, and she was dead, collapsed on the forest floor. Almost mad with thirst, and with the excitement of the kill, I knelt over her and drank.

Oh, it was so good! Finally, I was doing what was natural, what was right.

I got full pretty quickly though, there was more blood in her than I thought there would be. Feeling completely satisfied - for now - I stood up, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, licking the last of the blood off it. I looked down, amazed with what I'd actually accomplished, now that the desperation had worn off. I was pretty pleased with myself.

"Sorry, dear," I smirked, not caring that no one was around to appreciate the sort of joke.

Now I was full, I had to decide what to do. Was I going to go back to the house, or should I be reckless and stay out, test myself to see how long I could survive without anyone?

And then it hit me.

Surely Edward heard my thoughts as I grabbed my stuff and flew out the window? He would have been warned, he knew I was running away.

So why did he do nothing to convince me to stay? Why did he let me go?

I couldn't go back to the house now. I wouldn't. If he knew I was leaving and did nothing to stop me, he must want me gone.

_Fine then, I'll go._

I could survive on my own - without him, without Bella, and without Jacob Black, the one person I'd thought I could rely on. I'd just proved to myself that I didn't need anyone's help to live.

My biggest problem was where I was going to sleep. I still wasn't that sure about the area, despite being here over a year. I knew there were some caves around here somewhere, but I didn't like the idea of settling down for the night on a bed of rock, and tramps might hang out there or something. I figured the best thing to do was to stay in the forest. I'd be closer to animals and further away from humans that way.

I left the deer's drained carcass where it lay, and walked slowly through the forest, just revelling in the feeling of being outside. As soon as I'd judged I was far away enough from the body I started looking around for a place to sleep.

Part of me couldn't believe I was actually doing this, wandering around like a tramp, but the rebellious part of me reared up to fight with my parent's teaching - this was what vampires were supposed to do. Normal, non-'vegetarian' vampires. They were nomads, travellers, murderers.

A sick thought came to me. Why not become like them, why not forget everything Carlisle had taught me? I was desperate enough. But it wasn't for the sake of my family I fought that thought down, I was too angry to care what they thought about me at the moment. No - I couldn't face the thought of killing another human, not because I didn't want to, but because I dreaded the painful feeling of guilt I knew would come to me afterwards. There was no way I'd ever want to go through that again.

Pretty soon I came across a dry enough looking patch of grass, which I quickly cleared of sticks and mud. Wishing I'd thought to bring a blanket or something, not having envisioned spending the night outdoors, I settled down, taking my jacket off for something to rest my head on. Luckily it was quite a warm night, and dry. I fell asleep quickly, my head empty of thoughts, exhausted from the excitement of escaping.

I woke up after what felt like a few minutes, but I knew it was much later, because it was completely dark now, no trace of the setting sun left, and the moon hidden behind heavy clouds. I lay there shivering. It had gotten colder too, and the wind was stronger, making the trees sway. I put my jacket back on, and, the side of my face pressed against the cold ground, I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to sleep again.

After a couple of minutes of screwing my eyes tight shut and trying to control the tremors that started at the base of my spine then spread through my whole body, I gave up. I was freezing, the wind was howling and I'd just felt the first drop of rain on my cheek.

My first thought was not to go back to the house, but to find the caves. I sprang up and set off through the forest, running now to keep warm. I knew they were towards the other edge of the forest, almost halfway up one of the mountains, but I didn't know how to get there from here. I wasn't entirely sure I knew where 'here' was. The best thing to do would be to keep running until I reached the edge of the forest, then I'd be able to see the surrounding land, and find my way from there. It was only a couple of minutes before I noticed a thinning of the trees up ahead and I suddenly burst out onto the open mountain-side, covered in heather and bracken. No caves anywhere around, and I didn't recognise where I was.

I set off running along the edge of the forest, hoping that I'd eventually recognise the shape of a mountain, or some kind of landmark so I'd know which direction I was headed in.

The rain was falling heavier now, the cold wind blowing in my face making it chill on my skin. The ground was uneven too - every now and then a cunningly placed rock, root or branch would take me by surprise. For a person with vampire instincts, my reflexes and sense of balance were shockingly bad if I wasn't concentrating hard. I blame Bella for that. I spent less time looking at my surroundings than I should, instead having to concentrate on the ground to see where my feet could safely tread. Every time I did look up, there was still nothing I recognised.

I wasn't really tired anymore, but I needed shelter. The landscape was unchangeable though, with no sign of any rock faces or caves, just the scrub and rocky land at the forest edge.

_Surely I'll find them soon_, I thought, as the rain hammered down on my head_. I must have been running for almost an hour, and much faster than the average human._

Maybe I'd been running around the forest in circles? But everything looked the same.

I knew if I stopped then the weather would suddenly seem much worse, and I might start to panic. Running allowed me to vent my energy and kept me slightly warmer than I would be if I was standing still.

I risked looking up the steep side of the mountain for any sign of the caves, thinking that I'd chance my luck - the surface had been pretty smooth in this area. So the small boulder, right in the middle of my path, took me by surprise.

Before I was aware of any pain I was sprawled on the ground, my hands sliding along the rough surface of the loose rocks to break my fall.

I lay in shock for a couple of seconds, then the pain hit.

I could feel my hands stinging where the tiny stones had cut through the thin skin on the palms of my hands. I'd scraped my knee pretty badly too.

But far, far worse was the sickening pain in my left ankle that was making me nauseous and dizzy already.

Closing my eyes, I took slow deep breaths, trying to ignore the now torrential rain pouring down on me. I knew I couldn't lie there for long, I had to try and get under shelter. Clenching my fists, my hands too sore to put any pressure on them, I tried to use my forearms to push myself up. A wave of nausea hit me as my ankle jarred. Something was very wrong. Heaving myself up into a sitting position, I gritted my teeth and forced myself to look at the damage done to the lower half of my body. Rolling the leg of my jeans up I could see my right knee was a mess, scraped and scratched, with a deep cut just to one side of the knee cap. A thin trail of blood was running down my leg. I could smell it as well as feel it.

I was more worried about my ankle - concentrating on it would make the pain worse, I knew. I leaned forward to take my left sneaker off, but the moment I started to gently pull it off my already swelling foot I screamed in pain.

Okay, so that wasn't going to happen.

This was not good. I couldn't hop down the mountainside, there was nowhere nearby that I could hobble to for shelter, and it was freezing and pouring down with rain. Panicky, childish tears came to my eyes, as I realised just how stupid I'd been.

I was an idiot thinking I'd survive on my own. When had I ever been alone before in my entire life? Now I was stranded on a remote mountainside, in a storm, unable to move in any way except dragging myself across the cold, wet ground, quite possibly with a broken ankle.

I had no other option, I would have to call Edward or Bella. They could probably get here in a single minute at the speed they ran. But of course I'd only be able to direct them here if I knew where I was. There was still nothing to tell me which direction I'd come in, everything looked different when there was no proper moonlight.

They could always follow my scent, but did I really want them finding me in this state?

Mountain rescue was out of the question - too many humans in close proximity, plus they'd check my pulse. Bad idea.

No, the only option was to call my parents, and I'd have to live with their lectures for about, oh, a thousand years.

Praying that there would be a signal, I got my phone out of my jeans pocket, twisting awkwardly so I could move my hip without jarring my foot on the ground, and hoped it wasn't scratched.

It wasn't. It was completely smashed. It wouldn't even turn on.

I was completely alone, stranded, with no way of getting help except dragging myself to the nearest village. And I had no idea where that was.

I started shaking again, big long shudders that shook my whole body, a mixture of the cold, shock and panic.

My clothes were wet through, and sticking to my freezing body, my hair was plastered to my head, and my ankle was throbbing, getting about a hundred times more painful with every shiver that went through my body.

_This is it_, I thought. _This is what total hopelessness and despair is. You had no idea_.

With a last spurt of desperate effort, I managed to drag myself toward the forest edge, the sharp stones creating new cuts and scrapes all over my body. I came to a stop once I'd reached the trees, and leant against the nearest trunk, breathing heavily.

I tried to think rationally.

I was half vampire, I knew I would heal fast. Whenever I'd got cuts and scrapes before, they had disappeared a few hours later. I shouldn't even get injuries at all. I'm pretty strong, capable of crushing stones with my bare hands and causing even Jacob unintentional pain. I was just pretty clumsy for a semi-vampire, and I knew exactly who I had inherited that from.

I'd not been out in these kinds of conditions for such a long time, but surely I'd be okay? Surely there'd be enough vampire in me to stop my warm body getting dangerously cold? There was no need to panic. The storm would blow out eventually, and I'd be able to stay up here until I felt strong enough to hobble around, looking for civilization. I'd proved to myself that I could survive on very little food. I'd be fine.

So why was I crying and whimpering like a baby?

The panic threatened to take over again, but I told myself it would take up too much energy, and managed to calm down a little. I sat there staring at the sky, dark and cloudy, and noticed the rain wasn't quite as heavy as I'd thought it was.

_There, you see_, I told myself. _It's calming down already._ Knowing there was nothing else to do but sit there and wait, I sighed and settled myself more comfortably against the tree. My mp3 player had been in my jacket pocket, and had escaped being smashed against the ground underneath me. I put the headphones in my ear and pressed play, hoping the music would distract me from the pain and the cold. Leaving my injured legs out in front of me, I shut my eyes and tried to, not sleep exactly, but at least relax and stop shivering.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed when I smelt it.

I opened my eyes in shock, and saw that it was very early in the morning, not quite sunrise, but there was that cold grey light over everything.

What the hell was a human doing up here at this time? It couldn't even be six in the morning yet. But that was what I'd smelt - the strong, definite, powerful, beautiful scent of a human. No, two humans!

My heart lifted with hope, not because I knew a potential meal was coming toward me, but because they could help me, they could get me off this damned mountain.

They were pretty close. Perhaps I _had_ drifted off for a while - not to have noticed the smell would have been impossible in a conscious state.

I concentrated, listening hard. They were coming up the same ridge that I had ran down last night, about half a mile away, although by the sound of their footsteps they were walking on grass, not stone. I could tell they were both men - that heavy tread was definitely male. They were coming this way, but I didn't want to risk them taking another path and heading off in another direction. I stopped my mp3 player, which must have lulled me into sleep eventually, took a deep breath and shouted at the top of my voice.

"Help!"

My voice sounded shrill and thin, and I doubt it would have carried very far, but the rocks surrounding me gave the sound something to bounce off, and I could hear the shout echoing around the valley. "Help me!"

I heard their footsteps stop, and I knew they'd heard me. I looked up at the grey sky in relief.

"Help!" I shouted again, hoping that they'd be able to tell where my voice was coming from.

"Up the path," one said quickly. "Come on, quickly lad!"

Their footsteps began again, quicker this time, and gradually got louder.

They were coming the right way! My breathing got faster in anticipation. I was going to be okay. Well, if I just tried to ignore the wonderful smell I'd be okay.

I heard the sound of small stones slipping under their feet, and knew that they must be getting close to where I'd fallen last night. Craning my neck, I could see two figures coming up the ridge, sticking to the path that I hadn't realised I was on in the darkness of the night.

I tried feebly to raise myself up, to stand up so that I could wave my arms, but my arms and legs refused to work, I was so stiff and cold. The throbbing in my ankle had changed to a dull, unpleasant ache, and my knee was smarting. No more blood was flowing out of the cut, but I could feel all the dried blood making my jeans stick to my leg. Examining myself closer I saw that my clothes were caked in mud and, in some places, blood. I dreaded to think what my face and hair looked like, but now was not the time to care about my appearance. I'd started shaking again, although the weather was calm now.

"Over here!" I called, now that I could see them. Both their heads shot up at the same time, looking in the direction of the forest.

"Over here!"

I waved an arm as best I could, feeling pathetic. Their gaze shifted slightly, and they looked over towards where I was. They were only about a hundred yards off now, and I knew they'd seen me.

"There, Dad!" the younger one said.

They both started running toward me, and I started crying in relief, my breathing shaky.

As they got closer I could see them more clearly. One seemed to be about Jake's age, and the other was clearly his father. They both had the same curly brown hair and slim, wiry build. They even ran the same.

"Are you alright, lass?" the father shouted to me as he slowed to walk.

They got to me at the same time, both breathing heavily. I fought hard to work against the rising wave of pleasure as their two scents, quite similar, poured off their warm bodies. I reminded myself that they were probably going to save my life. That sobered me a little, and the thirst receded.

"Are you alright?" he asked again, quieter this time.

"Does she look alright, Dad?" his son said when I didn't answer, looking at me with a worried expression. Oh lord, did I look that bad?

"Rhys," his father said sharply. "Maybe she doesn't speak English. You know what tourists are like, getting lost up here."

That prompted me to say something.

"I speak English. I'm not a tourist. I mean, I'm American, but I live here now."

That was the first time I'd admitted to myself that this was actually my home now. That thought took my mind off the pain in my ankle straight away.

"Okay," the man said gratefully. "Well, my name's Ashley, and this is my son Rhys. We'll sort you out, won't we son?"

He looked over at Rhys, who was still looking pretty anxious. Rhys nodded, trying to look at me and Ashley at the same time.

"Now," Ashley continued. "Can you tell us what's happened? Looks like you've taken a tumble."

I nodded, still shaky. How could I explain how I ended up here, without sounding like a maniac?

I told the most believable lie I could come up with.

"I was hiking, and it got darker a lot earlier than I thought it would. I took the wrong path and went the wrong way. The dark confused me. I tripped over that rock there I think" - I pointed it out with an aching arm – "and went flying. I smashed my phone as I fell so I couldn't call anyone. I've cut my knee open, and I think my ankle is broken."

I was shaking violently, and my voice thickened as the tears threatened to come again. Talking about it was making me feel worse.

"How long have you been up here?" Ashley asked.

"I don't know," I said, my voice getting smaller and smaller. "All night, I guess. I figured I wasn't going to find a way off the mountain in the dark, and the weather was so bad. I was looking for shelter when I fell. But afterwards I could only drag myself over here."

"There was an awful storm last night," Rhys said. "It woke me up. You were out here in that? You must have been terrified."

I nodded grimly, not trusting myself to speak much more. I was already exhausted. I closed my eyes and put my head back against the tree, still shaking violently.

"I think she's in shock. Either that or she's hypothermic," Ashley said, suddenly sounding as if he was far away.

I opened my eyes, my head swimming, and he was kneeling beside me.

"First thing to do is to raise your body temperature. Here."

He took his big wax jacket off, which had a padded lining, and helped me put it on. I winced in pain as I stretched my shoulders and arms.

"This'll keep the wind out at least, although it won't help with your wet clothes. I'll look at your foot and your knee, then we'd better get you into a warm bath as soon as possible. Did you say your phone was broken?"

I nodded weakly.

"Rhys, do you have your mobile on you?" He turned around to his son.

Rhys shook his head, looking panicked.

"Damn," Ashley cursed quietly. "Well, we'll have to get you down ourselves, then. At least we know this land better than any mountain rescue team."

I looked at him, my forehead creased in confusion.

"It's our land," he explained. "We allow this path to run through it, but it belongs to us. I'm a sheep farmer."

I closed my eyes, the swimming feeling in my head becoming too much.

"Once you're down we'll get you home, so you can dry off and get warmed up. Where do you live? Close to here?"

"I - I can't remember," I mumbled, my eyes still closed.

I could remember perfectly of course, but I really didn't want to go back there yet, not now. The thought of going back now was stifling. I knew that if I arrived at the house in this state I would never hear the last of it. I'd be made to stay inside for all eternity.

I'd much rather turn up there, say, a week later, no worse for wear, and I could pretend that I'd had an amazing time, that I'd proved to myself and to them that I could survive without them. I'd be in major trouble but at least I would have proved my point.

I ignored the fact that I'd failed miserably, and played on the fact that Ashley and Rhys thought I had hypothermia or was in shock or whatever.

"I don't know." My voice was really trembling now, and my teeth had started chattering.

"Dad," Rhys said suddenly.

"I know, son," Ashley replied. "Hypothermia. We've got to get her warmed up now. Give me your jacket."

He had rolled my trouser legs up to look at my knee and my ankle. I heard him hiss as he saw how badly scraped my legs were. He put Rhys's jacket, identical to his own, over my shoulders too.

As he was examining my ankle, as much as he could with my sneaker still on, I could hear Carlisle's voice in my head. Growing up with a doctor in the family, I retained information better than a student nurse.

_No_, I wanted to say to them. _No, with hypothermia you're meant to strip them and use human body heat to warm them up. That's what Carlisle says, and Carlisle's the best doctor in the world. He's had about a hundred times more experience than all the others._

"What was that, love?" Ashley said, sounding like he was underwater.

I must have spoken.

"Carlisle," I whispered.

"Is that where you come from?" he asked.

I vaguely remembered that Carlisle was the nearest city to here, almost on the border of Scotland.

"No." My voice was barely a whisper now. "He's - " I couldn't remember what I'd been trying to say.

"Can you hear me, love?" Ashley asked loudly.

I nodded, although I barely could. He was getting more and more muffled.

"You've cut your knee pretty badly, you might need stitches, and your ankle's very swollen, but I don't think it's broken. We'll take you to our house to get you properly warmed up, get you in a bath, sit you by the fire. Then we'll take you to the hospital to get checked over."

That rang alarm bells.

"No." I tried to give my voice as much volume as I could. "Not hospital."

I couldn't let myself be examined by a doctor. I knew they'd listen to my heart and check my pulse. Even at its normal rate it's abnormally fast, more like a small animal's. Who knew what it would be like now?

There was no way I could go to a hospital. I knew who I needed. I needed Carlisle, the only doctor who would ever be able to examine me.

I needed Jake too, who was always there whenever anything was remotely wrong with me, holding my hand, telling me I was going to be okay.

But I was on the other side of the world to both of them.

I would have started crying again, but I didn't have the energy. Instead I just kept my eyes shut and tried to make the woozy feeling go away.

"Well, let's get you warm at any rate," Ashley said, talking to me through thick glass, surely?

"There's no way she can walk, she's about to pass out," he said to Rhys. "We're going to have to carry her. It'll be alright, we'll take it in turns."

I felt him bend my legs so he could get an arm beneath my knees, then putting his other arm around my waist, lifted me up in a swift motion, cradling me to his chest. It was a good thing I was barely conscious, otherwise the scent would have been overwhelming.

I felt the earth move up and down as he started walking. There was a loud noise, too loud, too close. Screaming.

"Dad, watch her foot!" Rhys exclaimed.

His pace must have been making my foot jar. Maybe it was me, screaming in pain, I don't know. I wasn't really aware of anything anymore.

"It's alright, lass, you're going to be alright."

Ashley's voice was close to my ear, although by this point I was almost gone.

"Don't even know her name," was the last thing I heard, as I succumbed to the steady rhythmic jolting, drawing me into unconsciousness.

I woke up at some point.

I opened my eyes groggily and could have sworn I saw Alice running lightly beside us. I squinted.

It was. It _was_ Alice.

She giggled.

_It's okay_, she said with a smile. _Jake's got you_.

I looked at her in confusion.

_Jeez, look up, Nessie._

She rolled her eyes in fake impatience, and disappeared from view as quickly as she'd come.

I did as I was told, and looked up at the face of the person who was holding me so tightly, so safely.

It was Jacob, with his short black hair and his crinkly dark eyes that I'd missed so much. My Jacob was looking down at me, smiling.

_Jake_? I whispered, unable to believe my eyes.

_I'm here, Ness_, he said. _I'll always be here. I love you_.

He kissed my forehead gently, although the jolting pace of his walking never changed.

_How did you_ - I started to ask.

_Magic_, he whispered, and smiled.

I closed my eyes again, happy and safe, and leaned my head against his chest with a sigh.

I felt a rush of something - something I didn't recognise.

I didn't know what it was. I just knew it felt different.

_Never leave me, Jake_, I said, my eyes still closed. _I need you._

_Slave for life_, he said gently, and I heard the smile in his voice. _Promise._

_For eternity_, I whispered, going along with the joke.

_Sure, sure_, he said in my ear. _Now hurry up and get better so I can see you again._

I just smiled and nodded, my cheek brushing against his chest. I would have said something in reply, but instead everything went black again.

The next time I came around I was in a car, a jeep, stretched across the back seat facing sideways, my legs out in front of me.

This was a lot smoother than Jake carrying me down the mountain, but nowhere near as pleasant.

I looked into the front of the car, expecting to see him, but instead saw two strange men, the older one driving, the younger one turned around, staring at me. I stared back, in shock. Where had Jake gone? And why the hell were we driving on the wrong side of the road? And surely the driver was on the wrong side of the car?

"Where...?" was all I could manage.

"Dad!" the young one said. "She's come round again. She looks really, really bad. What are we going to do? She might die!"

_What? Jake hadn't said anything about dying._

"Rhys, she is not going to die," the older one said. "We'll get her inside, get her warmed up and she'll be fine. She'll be fine," he repeated.

A vague memory stirred... Carlisle had told me to take off all my clothes.

_Well that didn't sound right... what on earth...?_

Oh yeah… I had hypothermia. How did I get that?

How stupid of me. Now I couldn't go hunting. And where the hell was Jake?

Oh, but surely Jake would be in this house, wherever it was, and he would look after me. He'd know the right thing to do. Of course that would involve me being naked in front of him, but it could be a lot worse. We'd both be able to be mature about it anyway.

_But would it really be so bad, Jake seeing you naked?_

The thought barely had a chance to register in my mind before I went under again.

I woke up, still shaking, still freezing cold, and my ankle still aching, with no idea where I was.

I was lying on a bed, the covers pulled around me, in a room I'd never seen before in my life. I put an arm around myself in a vain attempt to make me warmer and realised I was in my underwear. I had a headache, and I felt sick, so I wasn't that bothered - it seemed to be the least of my problems.

There was no sign of Jake, but he must be here, otherwise who would have known to strip me?

Well, as long as he was here, I was safe. Contented with that thought, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to start to drift off again, the shivers and the pain in my foot subsiding.

Right on the edge of sleep, I felt someone climb in the bed beside me and press their body against mine. Their chest was firm against my back, and their arms felt strong and safe.

There was only one person it could be.

"Jacob," I sighed, and drifted off into a sleep filled with dreams of home. Of Jake.

"Dad" I heard, very close to my ear. "Dad, she's not been shaking for a while now. Do you think I should...?"

"Aye, I think she's coming round." Another voice, deeper, a bit further away. "Thank goodness."

There was a rustling sound, as whoever it was that had enveloped me in his arms got out of the bed. I didn't know who it was, but I knew who it wasn't... Had Jake ever been here?

It had seemed so real, all of it, even Alice skipping down the path beside us.

And if it wasn't Jake that was cradling me in bed then who the hell was it?

My eyes flicked open to make better sense of the situation, and I was shocked to find a man with brown curly hair and heavy stubble staring at me intently.

"Are you alright, love?" he asked softly. "Can you hear me?"

I nodded. I wasn't sure I felt alright, but I could hear him. He looked vaguely familiar.

"How are you feeling?" His face was concerned.

"Tired," I answered honestly. "Sick. Headache."

I closed my eyes again, the bright sunlight flooding the room making my headache worse.

"Well, you just lie there as long you need," he said. "Sleep it off. You're through the worst now, sweetheart. Everything's going to be alright. You're going to be fine."

I nodded again in reply, my thoughts drifting back to Jacob as I realised that I might possibly have gone crazy for a little while.

I could feel myself heading towards sleep again.

"Touch and go there for a minute, lad," I heard him say to whoever had been in the bed with me. "Good job you remembered that. Just in time I'd say."

A blur passed behind the man, a human-shaped blur.

So it had been this person's idea to strip me.

My last thought as I fell into a dreamless sleep was that whoever it was had saved my life.

It was much, much later when I woke up. The room was dark, no trace of sunlight left. I must have been asleep all day.

I rolled onto my back, still in my underwear, I noticed, and tried to remember what had happened. I was conscious that my ankle hurt a lot, that my knee and my hands stung. But the headache and nausea had gone. I was hungry. And I was thirsty, so thirsty.

What had happened to get me in this much of a state? And where was I?

I lay there for a while, my eyes shut, trying to recall images and sounds from last night.

I remembered that I'd had enough for some reason - I'd run away.

Could things really have been that bad?

And I'd got lost, and it was dark and the weather was awful and I fell and - and, Jake was there. But clearly he wasn't, he _couldn't_ have been there. I must have just been dreaming.

The two men that had actually saved me were father and son, and their names were... their names were... Nope, couldn't quite manage that one yet. But I knew they'd brought me to their house to warm me up, because I couldn't remember where my home was.

No, I _pretended_ that I couldn't remember where my home was, because I didn't want to see Bella and Edward.

And I didn't want to see them because...

I drew a blank again.

At least I now knew where I was, why I was here and how I got here. The problem was what I was going to do now.

I sat up very, very slowly, leaning back against the headboard, and gingerly opened my eyes.

_I'm thirsty, so thirsty._

I tried to push that thought out of my head, instead choosing to worry about the fact that I probably stank and looked like a train wreck.

I pulled back the covers so I could attempt to get out of bed and hobble to find someone to ask if I could use their shower.

I gasped as I uncovered my bare legs.

There was a giant scrape all down my right leg, the highlight of which was a deep cut next to my kneecap. The blood had dried and was brown and crusty - disgusting. My left leg was slightly cleaner, but looking at my ankle made me feel sick. They must have been able to get my sneaker off while I was unconscious, because now I could see there was a bluey-greeny-greyish lump, sticking out just below the ankle joint. Surely that meant it was broken?

I tried wiggling my toes a tiny bit. It was agony. And it looked as bad as it felt.

Why wasn't I healing? That lump should have nearly disappeared by now, and the cuts and bruises should be completely gone.

Not wanting to dwell on that thought, and knowing that I couldn't just sit there, I swung my legs slowly around, putting my feet on the floor. Using the little bedside table as a lever, I managed to push myself up to a standing position, my bad foot hovering just above the floor. My head swam a little, and I closed my eyes, clutching the table, but after a few seconds the wave of dizziness passed. I hopped over to the chair in the corner, where they'd piled up my clothes.

As soon as I touched them I knew there was no way I'd be putting them back on. They were still wet and freezing cold, they must have got soaked last night.

I got a sudden flashback of me sitting in a puddle, crying over my broken phone.

_Damn it_.

I'd never bothered to learn our British phone number off by heart. I was really regretting that now. I couldn't even use their house phone to call Bella and Edward. How was I going to get back to them?

The more immediate problem was how I was going to be able to talk to one of the men without having to do it in my underwear.

Luckily for me it was a problem quickly solved, as I spotted a big, dark blue towel robe hanging on the back of the door. I grabbed it and swung it around myself, gasping in pain as my arms suddenly reminded me that at the moment they didn't enjoy being raised above shoulder level.

Tying the cord in a tight knot around my waist, making sure no amount of bare flesh was showing, I hopped out of the room, unable to put any weight on my bad foot at all. Outside the door was a small hallway, with several doors off it, and a thin winding staircase at the end, leading downstairs. I didn't think I'd be able to make it that far.

"Hello?" I called.

I knew that they were in the house - I could hear them both breathing, and, worse, I could smell their scent.

_Don't think about it_, I reminded myself again. _They saved your life._

"Hello? I, er, I'm up!"

The sound of quick footsteps came from downstairs, walking across a stone floor by the sound of it, then growing louder when they got to the wooden stairs.

The man with the stubble appeared at the end of the landing, looking surprised.

"Oh, so you are!" he said. "How are you feeling?"

"Not too bad," I replied. "I don't feel sick anymore. But I, uh, I could really do with some painkillers and a shower or something if that's okay?"

"Aye, of course." He smiled at me. "There're some Nurofen in the bathroom cupboard. It's that door there."

He pointed to the door opposite the room I'd just come out of.

"Are you okay, do you need some help?" He looked at my foot.

"Um, I can't put any weight on it, but I can hop, it's fine."

I didn't want him to feel that he'd have to carry me everywhere. I was already enough of a burden to him.

Oh_. Oh_.

That was it.

That was why I'd left.

My family didn't want me, I was a burden to them too.

Edward hadn't stopped me, even though he must have known I was going to run away. So even if I could call them, they might not want me back.

And now how would I know if they did? I was completely cut off from them.

Something must have changed in my expression, because he came over to me slowly and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you sure you should be out of bed yet?" he asked. "You've had a terrible time."

"Don't worry about me, er..." I tailed off. "I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name."

He chuckled. "Understandable. I'm Ashley Winter. Call me Ash. My son's name is Rhys. He's very worried about you."

"Oh," I said, surprised.

They really didn't have to be this nice to me. I didn't deserve it, a tiny part of me was still thinking about killing them.

"Well, tell Rhys I'm fine, just aching. And, and thank him for me. I heard you say that it was his idea to, to..." I didn't finish, letting him fill in the gap.

"Aye, well, I hope you don't mind what he did," Ash said quickly. "He suddenly remembered it from a first aid course he did at his old Scout group."

"Oh, of course I don't mind," I said, blushing. "I mean, he saved my life. I know that if someone's hypothermic you should do what he did. I hope he's not embarrassed about it. I'm not."

That was a lie.

"Is that what you were trying to tell us?" Ash asked.

"I was talking to you?" I said in disbelief.

I couldn't remember anything except my dreams of Jake. My very vivid, slightly unsettling dreams.

"You kept saying 'clothes, clothes' over and over again. And you were calling me 'Carlisle', as if it was my name."

"Carlisle is my - " I tried to think of a decent lie, but my brain was tired. "He's my doctor. Was. Back in America. Dr. Carlisle. When my… brother got hypothermia I remember calling him and he told me to strip him."

Anymore of this and I'd be getting quite skilled at lying.

"But, wait," I said, quickly changing the subject. "I don't remember speaking at all."

"Well, you were delirious," Ashley said gently. "Pretty much the whole time, up to when you finally warmed up. Then I asked you how you were and you said you had a headache and felt sick. That's when I knew you were back in the land of the living. Do you remember that?"

I nodded. But I was more concerned about the whole delirious thing.

"I thought I was just asleep," I whispered. "I thought I was just dreaming."

What else had I said?

"Don't worry," he said with a smile, as if he'd read my thoughts. "You didn't say anything incriminating."

He looked amused about something.

"But anyway, let's get you some painkillers. And at least you can have a sit down while you're in the bath. Shower's broken I'm afraid."

He stretched forward and pushed the bathroom door open.

He offered me his arm, and I leant on him as I hopped ungracefully over to the bath and sat on the edge.

He got a small box of painkillers out of the cupboard over the sink and handed them to me.

"I'll just nip downstairs and get you a glass of water to take them with. They'll probably make you sleepy, but that's a good thing I expect. Back in a tick."

He disappeared quickly, leaving me to smile at the way he said 'back in a tick'.

The accent was funny. It didn't have all the nicely rounded vowels and perfect diction that all the famous British movie stars had. That kind of voice wouldn't have suited him at all.

I was giggling to myself when Ashley knocked on the door.

"Come in," I said.

"Here you are."

He handed me the glass and I quickly swallowed two tablets down, trying to convince myself that they were some form of sustenance. I gulped down the whole glass of water, realising that I was thirsty in the conventional way too.

He put a pile of men's clothes in the closet next to the bath.

"Thank you," I said, handing him back the glass.

"No problem. Right well, I'll leave you to run it, so you can have it how you like it. There's soap there," - he pointed to a cracked soap dish between the taps – "and there are clean towels in the airing cupboard. Oh, and shampoo if you want, just there. Sorry, it's all we've got."

I smiled at him, not in the least bothered that I was going to have to use men's shampoo. As long as it made my hair clean and less like a bird's nest then I was happy.

"Sorry," he said again, "but we haven't really got any clothes for you. My wife, er, isn't around anymore, so..." He tailed off.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"Oh, she's not dead," he said with a little laugh. "But however friendly our divorce was, there's no reason for her to leave any of her clothes here, is there?"

He chuckled again.

I smiled back awkwardly.

"So I'm afraid it's dressing gowns and shirts that are far too big for you until we get your own clothes washed and dried. And we've got some jogging bottoms from when Rhys was younger, I'm sure he wouldn't object to you borrowing them for a bit. It's all in the airing cupboard for you."

"Thank you," I said earnestly. "For everything, I mean. You really don't have to do all this for me."

"Of course we do," he said brusquely. "No more talk like that, young lady."

The twinkle was still in his eyes, and I knew he wasn't serious.

"Now just get cleaned up and dry and you can come downstairs and have some dinner with us. Then we'll see about getting you to hospital."

He gave me a friendly wink and disappeared.

Drifting over the thought of having to eat human food in front of them, and totally panicking about the inevitable hospital trip, I started to run the taps. A few seconds later Ashley poked his head around the door again.

"Er, I've got quite an important question I forgot to ask you before. Oh, I forgot to knock that time, sorry. We're not used to having ladies in the house."

Glad that I hadn't taken the dressing gown off yet, I looked up from watching the water pouring into the chipped bath.

"I'm hardly a lady," I laughed. "Ask away."

_Please don't ask about family, school or my age, please, please, please_, I thought.

I wasn't in the right frame of mind for coming up with believable lies.

"What's your name?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Oh," I felt a brief moment of panic. "Uh, Alice."

I said the first normal sounding, non-memorable name that came into my head. Surely I was the only Renesmee in the world?

"Alice Black."

"Okay, Alice," Ashley said, smiling. "I'll leave you to it. Give me a shout once you're dressed and I'll give you a lift downstairs."

He left with a grin.

I was left on my own to figure out what on earth I was going to do. I'd have to run away before they got the chance to take me to the hospital, it was the only thing to do. Undressing as fast as I could without causing myself further damage, I sank into the warm water of the bath, and immediately relaxed a little, despite my cuts stinging at the heat. I let myself lay there for a while, knowing that the water would be too filthy to lounge around in after I'd washed myself.

After my brain had exhausted itself trying to think of ways to get out of this situation I finally began to wash, distracting myself from the realization that if I ran away from here, I had no idea how to get back to the house, and I had no money to catch a flight to Forks.

I was completely and utterly stranded.

**This is where there's a pause in my writing and I skip to when Jake and Nessie finally get to see each other again (I couldn't wait to write that bit!) So it will be a while before the next chapters up as I need to write it from scratch :/ But for now if anyone would like to review what I've done so far then please PLEASE do :)**


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